im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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