Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
