WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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