Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
