So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
