I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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