My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
