I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
