its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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