You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
