Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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