Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
