you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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