I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is my gift to your gina
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
