you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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