Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
