Can Purell be used as lube?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
