porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
