your parents love me but you hate me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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