I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
