Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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