Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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