woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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