i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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