I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
