Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
