me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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