either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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