did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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