The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
