So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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