Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
