I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
