he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
