Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My life is pants optional.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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