she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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