I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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