Got a toothbrush?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
