We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
