bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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