She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
