I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My underwear smells like fireworks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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