so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
