New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
