Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
