it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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