Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
