Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
