So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
