Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
ttyl tear gas
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
