rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
