he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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