I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
