please come you make the beer taste better
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
