I just cut my nipple shaving
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
