she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
