It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
