some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
