Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
