The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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