Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

wtf

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(951): View more from California

apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped

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(203): View more from Connecticut

My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free

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(205): View more from Alabama

Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.

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(219): View more from Indiana

my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear

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(203): View more from Connecticut

gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH

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(513): View more from Ohio

Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.

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