I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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