There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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