Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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