does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I intend to get homeless drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
