I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
