Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
