so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
