drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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