If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
