i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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