is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dear god my vagina.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
