Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
