if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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