After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
