my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
