so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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